"The Revival at Fredericksburg"

From the journals of Major Robert Stiles

The Revival at Fredericksburg in the winter of ‘62-63’ concerned especially the infantry brigade with which I was longest and most closely associated.... It was probably the most marked religious movement in our war and, as I believe, rarely paralleled anywhere or at any time.... A great broad-shouldered, double-jointed son of Anak, with a head like the Farnese Jove and a face and frame indicative of tremendous power, alike of character and of muscle, delivered himself of his "experience" in one of the most graphic and moving talks I ever listened to. He said in substance...

"Brethren, I want you to know what a merciful, forgiving being the Lord is, and to do that I’ve got to tell you what a mean-spirited liar I am. You remember that tight place the brigade got into, down yonder at ... and you know the life I lived up to that day. Well, as soon as ever the minies began a-singing and the shell a-bursting around me, I up and told the Lord that I was sorry and ashamed of myself, and if He’d cover my head this time we’d settle the thing as soon as I got out. Then I got to fighting and forgot all about it, and never thought of my promise no more at all till we got into that other place, up yonder at ... you remember it, tighter than the first one. Then, when the bullets begun a-hissing like rain and the shell was fairly tearing the woods to pieces, my broken promise come back to me. Brethren, my coward heart stopped beating and I pretty nigh fainted. I tried to pray and at first I couldn’t; but I just said, ‘Look hear, Lord, if You will look, I feel I have lied to You and that You won’t believe me again, and may be You oughtn’t to; but I don’t want to go to hell, and I’m serious and honest this time, and if You do hear me now, we’ll meet just as soon as I get out sae, and we certainly will settle things.’

"Well, brethren, He did all I asked of Him, the Lord did; and what did I do? Brethren, I’m ashamed to say it, but I lied again, and never thought one thing about it at all till one day we was shoved into the very worst place any of us ever was in. Hell gaped for me, and here come the two lies I had told and sat right down upon my heart and my tongue. Of course I couldn’t pray, but at last I managed to say, ‘Lord! Lord! I deserve it all if I do go there, right now, and I can’t pray and I won’t lie any more. You can do as You please, Lord; but if You do .......... But, no, I won’t lie any more, and I won’t promise, for fear I should lie. It’s all in your hands, Lord... hell or mercy. I’ve got no time to talk any more about it. I’ve gone to go to killing Yankees. But, O Lord! O Lord! .... No, I daresn’t, I daresn’t; for I won’t lie any more; I won’t go down there with a fresh lie on my lips; but, O Lord! O Lord!’

"And so it was, brethren, all through that dreadful day; fighting, fighting, and daring to pray. "But brethren, He did it, He did it; and the moment the thing was over I wouldn’t give myself time to lie again, so I just took out and ran as hard as ever I could into the deep, dark woods, where God and me was alone together, I threw my musket down on the ground and I went right down myself, too, on my knees, and cried out, "Thank You, Lord; thank You, Lord! But I’m not going to get up off my knees until everything’s settled between us’; and neither I didn’t, brethren. The Lord never held it over me at all, and we settled it right there."