Genealogy Forum NEWS
December, 1998
DON'T GIVE UP
Researching A Stubborn Family
Submitted by GFS Too@aol.com
I was dealing with very little information and the possibility of long held grudges. Both of my paternal lines would be difficult, but I have taken that stubborn-gene and put to use in my family history search. Really! I never see it otherwise. ; )
My grandfather was an only child with a difficult childhood. At age 88 he told me that the man who married his mother 2 weeks before his birth was not his true father. He had never even told his only child. Then Grandpa told me of how his relatives treated him as a small child due to his parentage. You could still see the pain after all those years. Sadly, so many years ago, that pain had caused him to alienate my grandmother from her own family.
Grandma, Helen, was one of 7 children known to my dad. Her only brother never had children but Dad was able to find his uncle Louis in 1983 a few months after my grandmother's death. My dad is a junior and when he called his uncle, the man was quite short with him. Dad told him that he was Helen's son, not her husband. Louis finally agreed to meet mom & dad at his home if they would first stop and meet him at the very end of the his driveway ...Louis wanted to make sure that it was not my grandfather coming to visit. It had been about 40 years since my dad had seen his uncle.
Once he saw his nephew, Uncle Lou was thrilled to see them. My dad had married after the family riff had started. They chatted for hours. Sadly, Uncle Lou passed away a few months later. Lou had promised to send info on the family, but never had the chance. A kind friend of Lou's dropped a note to us a few months later (after dad sent a Christmas card) informing my parents of the death of Lou. I was not told of this meeting until years later.
As I started my search into my family tree, I realized I had quite a good base to begin my maternal lines. All I had on my paternal line is what was written in my baby book (but it was a start). I asked Dad to expand on the names, places, and events of his family, but bad memories can get in the way. After a few months my request had had a chance to sink in...I started receiving remembered names, old addresses, and events from Dad. This led to the letter that Dad had received from Uncle Louis' friend and the story of the 1983 meeting.
With that letter I was able to locate a goldmine of family. I called the county will and probate office where Uncle Lou had died and found (on my second call...the calls were a few months apart...never give up) a very kind clerk who pulled out the will as I held on the line. She told me it would cost a small fortune to copy the will and send it. I told her I was only interested in the "next of kin" information. She told me it would cost $3.00 or, if I had a few minutes, she could read the list to me. Since I was only interested in Lou's relatives (his wife's relatives were listed too, though I want to contact them for possible photographs and will do that soon) she gladly read each name, address, and phone number to me. They were over 12 years old and only one address was still current. In the following months I located the descendants of 3 of the 4 siblings who had children.
Those were all awkward phone calls...at first. I made sure to tell them who I was, how I was related, how I found them and then let them ask as many questions as they wanted of me. Only if the opportunity presented itself did I ask them for information. I didn't want to be overwhelming to these very kind new-found cousins. Frankly, none of them ever knew that I existed! I followed up each call with a thank-you and an updated family group sheet. I also included one that I asked them to update and correct to return to me. All but one has responded with photos and family information and even an 8x10 photo of my great-grandfather.
I had very little to start my paternal family line and have found that through patience I could learn about family names and dates and the people themselves. The stories have been wonderful. My dad and I still marvel at the amount of information we were able to uncover working together on what we thought might be a lost family. Give them time...hurt feelings and long-held grudges can seem like a tall, thick wall with no means of getting through it. I here to tell you...the wall can be broken.
EDITORS' NOTE: This is a section that used to be in the GFNEWS on a regular basis. We decided to resurrect it in hopes that you too will have hope and find that missing link.
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Content © 1998 - 2004 GFNEWS, a monthly publication of Golden Gate Services, Inc. of Armada, MI The Editors welcome your ideas and articles, success stories, favorite genealogy research tips, comments and suggestions. The Genealogy Forum is a proud member of the FGS - Federation of Genealogical Societies