Genealogy Forum NEWS
December, 1998
ADVENTURES IN GENEALOGY
The
Christmas Reunion
or
Rednecks, Turkeys and Crazy OLE Uncle Hiram
Submitted by GFS Waffle@AOL.com
It was one of those Magical Moments, Reba is on the stereo singing Jingle
Bells, my sweet little Blonde has been baking pies for 3 days. I've got 100 blank family
history sheets ready, 20 copies of my family printout in binders to sell at the family get
together tonight and visions of a genealogical goldmine dancin in my head. I've got 40
family members coming over tonight and figure to get updates and info from all of them.
Suddenly, the phone rings. I pick it up and say "Y'all got us, who are yew." And
the nightmare begins. I hear that raspy voice say, "Hey Boy, this is Uncle Hiram, You
know your grandpa's sister Mabel's husband. Just wanted you to know that me and the Mrs.
is running a little late, we wont be there until about 5." All I can think to say is
"OK".
Oh Lord Baby, you better put up the Good Jelly glasses, Crazy old Uncle Hiram is coming.
Now don't get me wrong I love old Hiram but this is the man who thought our Goldfish bowl
was a great way to keep your fish bait fresh.
About 3 o'clock folks start showing up loaded down with fried chicken, potato salad, corn
bread and pies. As they come in I give them a blank family sheet and ask them to fill out
the stuff they know. I set up the camcorder and start interviewing the old folks about
their memories and lives. Cousin Bobby Jean asks me about the family printout. So I
explain, "Bobby Jean a lot of folks have asked me for copies of my research. I
figured this would be the perfect time to spread it around. What I did was scan some of
the old photo's I had, added some of the family history that I have discovered, and
printed a copy of all of it along with a descendant register from FTM. I took that whole
package down to the copy store and had them make 20 copies, bought some nice little
binders and viola a family history for $5 a copy."
More folks show up, more food, oh great nanner puddin and Jello.
Uncle Jimmy Don wants to know "why you want us to fill out these little forms, what
are you some kinda revenoor?" (Sometimes having redneck relatives is a real adventure
in tortured logic) No Unk I am just trying to get all the names and dates right, and
things like that. I mean after all you do want me to get it right don't ya? Cmon we all
know you were in the army, but your grandkids wont know you fought in Vietnam if we don't
tell them. "Alright but if them black helicopter start chasin me, I Gonna get
you!" (Now I don't want yall to get the wrong ideal about Uncle Jimmy Don, he's been
the Asst. Night Manager at the Dairy Queen for 12 years and that incident at the waffle
house wasn't his fault, I don't care what the County Sheriff says.)
BOOM!!!!
I run to the window and hear Uncle Hiram yelling "who put this dang dog house in the
driveway." Hi Uncle Hiram, you parked in the front yard again instead of the driveway
but that's OK, come on in. In comes "Crazy Old Uncle Hiram, almost 80 years old, half
blind and carrying that nasty spit cup. "Uncle Hiram have a seat, we are all fillin
out family histories and sharin our memories of our childhood."
"Well, I know yall all call me Crazy Uncle Hiram but let me tell you one thing. I can
remember the old days. When I was born back in 19 and 19, Daddy was a farmer in Fayette
County. I was born after Daddy got back from fighting the Germans, of course ifin he had
dun it right, I wouldnt had to go back and finish the job in WW2."
For the next two hours our "Crazy" Uncle Hiram amazed us with stories of his
childhood in the depression, fighting in WW2 and some of the odd jobs he had as a kid. He
told us about the stories his daddy had told him when he was young about growing up in
back woods Alabama at the turn of the century.
Well, another Adventure in Genealogy ends and another lesson learned. When getting ready
for that family get together take plenty of blank forms. Put together a small family book
and "Publish" it. Your family will love it and wont mind paying a small price to
defray the costs or your research. You can get nice binders at any good office supply
store for less than a dollar each and copies of your printout made for about 8 cents a
sheet. You can put together a 60 page family history for about $5. Finally, Never dismiss
any relative, no matter how old or "Crazy." Sometimes they can be a treasure
trove of information, even if they do empty their spit can in your wife's Ivy Plant.
The Following is the Transcript of the Interview I did with Aunt Mabel
when I asked for her Recipe:
"Aunt Mabel Can I get your recipe for the Christmas Bird?"
OK, but you gotta remember this is an old family recipe and aint meant for just anyone.
Lets see first you need a decent size bird, about 12 to 18 pounds. Now if your Uncle Bobby
Don is coming over we gotta cook ham and Turkey cause he eats like a steam shovel stuck in
high gear. No, Hiram, I aint talking about you go back to watching the football game. I
swear that man thinks that I aint got nothing better to do than talk about him. Now where
was I?
You were gonna give me the recipe. Said we needed a 12 to 18 pound bird.
Oh yea, OK next, you need a paper bag, like the one get from the grocery store. It don't
matter what store you get one from, but Hiram always gets a Piggly Wiggly bag cause he
says the little pig on the front of it makes him laugh. You also need some peanut oil,
about a cup. Now make sure its fresh and it has to be Peanut oil, none of them other oils
work as well.
OK, a cup of Fresh Peanut Oil
Now you also need some Worcestershire Powder, not a whole bunch but a little. Sprinkle the
Worcestershire Powder on the bird and rub it in with the Peanut oil. Don't get carried
away with either one of em. Just a couple of pinches of powder and just enough oil to get
it in. Go ahead and turn on your oven to 325 degrees. What, No Hiram I aint Cooking supper
right now, I am telling this boy a recipe. No, I don't know why he wants it, everyone
knows his wife wont let him in the kitchen after that fiasco with the tomaters.
Aunt Mabel, the Recipe
Well, if you would quit interrupting me all the time you would have it already. Now slide
that bird in the sack, Breast side up. Tie off the bag with some string, and now you can't
use fishing line, it melts and smokes up the house. Now stick the whole thing in a
roasting pan without the lid. Put it on the bottom shelf of your oven and cook it for 10
minutes per pound. If you cook it longer than that the meat will fall off the bones. You
wanna make sure that sack aint touching the top of the oven.
When its done that bag is gonna be all full of steam so open it careful, put it on the
platter and serve it. Now that goes real well with My Stuffin and home made biscuits.
Thanks Aunt Mabel, it sounds wonderful.
End Transcript
Aunt Mabel's Turkey is famous in the family for its tenderness and juicyness. It may sound
strange but makes a good bird.
BACK to Cover Page - GFSNEWS 12/98